Soldier Bitching
by Enide Dear
Summary: Angeal shows up at Zack's place at 2 in the morning! Something dire must be happening. Or maybe it's just the usual ShinRa madness.


"Thank you for letting me in, Zack. I know it's in the middle of night." The words came out muffled behind Angeal's hand since he was leaning his head in it, but Zack figured most of them out.

"No problems, man." He couldn't help but feel a little awkward, though, wearing only chocobo-printed PJ boxers in front of his mentor but it *had* been the middle of night and he had been sleeping and he really wasn't expecting his hero-mentor-friend to be the one to knock at his door at 2 in the morning. Kunsel, yes. Cloud, probably. Luxiere, why not? Cissney, sure. In fact, even Tseng would have made more sense, seeing as the Turk seemed to stalk him at ungodly hours. But Angeal?

Maybe he should put on, like a bathrobe or something.

Wait, he'd lost the bathrobe at last week's poker game.

Why had he been betting on his bathrobe again? Oh right, he was trying to win Cissney's bra. That hadn't worked out.

A deep sigh from the couch brought his sleep addled and easily distracted brain back on track – and the track being an underdressed First Class Soldier sitting in his living room.

Damn, but Angeal had a lot of chest hair. Not in a bad way, not at all, it just was so unusual to see anyone in ShinRa with hair other than on their heads. The fact that he, to, was only wearing PJ pants – although it was the long kind and didn't have any printed cartoon-ish animals on them was only helping a little. Blue stripes on off white was pretty boring though. A dancing cactuar or two would have cheered the pants up right away.

He really hoped Angeal wasn't here for Zack to cheer up anything remotely having to do with his pants. That would just be….icky.

So why was he here? Right, Zack hadn't asked yet.

There were times when Zack suspected that Kunsel, Tseng and Cissney were right when they called him borderline ADHD.

"Do you want a beer?" Zack tried for lack of anything else to say and panicked mildly and internally as Angeal nodded.

"Yeah, thanks."

Shit, shit, shit! Angeal liked beer – but at 2 in the morning?! What the hell kind of time was that to accept alcohol from a half-naked young man who looked up to you like a father figure?! He didn't even know if he had beer home or if Reno had broken in and stolen them from him again.

Fortuned smiled on him – he did have two bottles of cheap Junon beer in the refrigerator so he tossed one to Angeal and opened the other himself. Angeal drank deep and then slouched down deeper in the couch and now Zack really started to worry. Angeal never *slouched*.

"Look, are you alright?" He asked concerned. "Not that I mind but….it's 2 in the morning. And you are drinking beer. In you PJs. On my couch."

That seemed to sum it up fairly well.

"I…just had to get away from home." Angeal stared out in the distance. He wasn't just tired and slouching, Zack realized. He was *exhausted*. Well, that at least boded well for the 'not getting into his pants' part of Zack's plan.

Wait, since when did he have a plan for all this? You couldn't plan for something like this! Well, possibly Tseng could, but Zack would pay money to see what the Head of Turks did with a half-naked Soldier on a couch. Lots of money. 'Cause that would be hot as hell. He wondered who would be on top.

But of course nothing like that would ever happen, because Angeal was the kind of guy you could trust and he was in a relationship already even if it was a weird three-way one…..wait….Suddenly inspiration hit Zack.

"Gen and Seph bothering you?" He couldn't hide a little smirk; one of those were bad enough, but Zack couldn't imagine trying to handle both of them at the same time.

"Yeah." Angeal sighed again and then scowled. "You can't imagine the bitching, snarking and hissing! It's like two cats in a bag." He shook his head. "Most of the time one or two of us is away on missions – sometimes all of us. It's not that often we're all at home at the same time. But when we are…."

"I can imagine." Zack smiled. In fact, he'd spent quite a few nights imagining the very situations. Repeatedly and in situations possibly just anatomically possible for First Class Soldiers.

"No. No, you can't." Angeal growled, chugging from his bottle. "The domestic fights are bad enough – hairs clogging the drain, books carelessly shut without putting a bookmark in, grocery shopping is hell – but when it comes to fucking…."

Zack accidently spat out his beer, staring wide eyed at his mentor. He'd never even heard Angeal mention sex before. His mind went blissfully blank for a few seconds.

Angeal must have not noticed his spitting or maybe he simply didn't care – it wasn't his floor that got ruined after all.

"They are so damn competitive! And the prize they compete for is me!" The bottle was empty and for a second Angeal looked like he would throw it away, but Banora upbringing caught him in the last second as he lowered the bottle carefully down on Zack's dirty coffee table. "'Who do I pay most attention to', 'who is the best to snuggle with', 'whose hair do I think is the best' 'who do I give more orgasms,'" he snarled.

Zack's blissfully empty mind was suddenly very crowded but even more blissful.

"I, um…" He said sympathetically but Angeal really wasn't listening anymore.

"'What position do I like the best' 'who gives the best head'….it never ends." He slumped back again, exhausted. "I just needed to get away for night. Get some decent rest and sleep. Let them sort themselves out."

"So, um," Zack fiddled with his still mostly full bottle – it had turned out that beer and toothpaste didn't really mix well. "You are not here to get into my pants?" He almost pleaded.

Angeal stared at him.

"Oh Hell no." He groaned. "The last thing I need is another lover. Or more sex."

"Oh good. Really, really good." Zack sighed with relief. Imagining things was one thing, but he really didn't care for Angeal….that way. Not when ShinRa was full of guys more feminine than him that he could into fuck into the ground. "Stay on the couch tonight if you want. I'll bring a blanket." He turned to rise when he saw Angeal's pleading look. Cold chills went down his back once more.

"Just one more thing, Zack…."

"Yeah?" Zack kinda knew he sounded as suspicious as the time Reno wanted to cut him in on a 'foolproof' scheme.

"If you don't want that beer, can I have it?"

"Oh. Oh! Yeah, sure. Have at it." He handed over the bottle and tossed over a dusty blanket he found on the floor; Angeal seemed equally grateful for both as he snuggled down in Zack's couch.

Closing the door to his bedroom, Zack lay awake thinking for a while. Maybe he should learn something from this. Maybe Angeal was once more setting an example. Maybe he should just choose one partner and stay with them...but how could anyone possibly choose?! Aerith soft smile and gorgeous butt was totally compareable to *Cloud's* shy smile and gorgeous ass. Cissney's mysterious ways and sweet tits were just as fine as Kunsel's mysterious ways and sweet chest. And then there were those nice receptionists, Tseng, that Niebelheim cowgirl, Luxiere...

Not to mention all the Soldiers.

Nah, Zack thought to himself turning over in bed and sighing happily. He wouldn't have to choose one. There were plently of Zack energy to go around.


End file.
